Sat Nam and Namaste,
I have been in Florida since September 30th, first to celebrate my birthday with my sanget here, and then to continue on exploring what it is like to live here, looking, listening and feeling. Â What has come so clearly to me over these last couple of weeks, is how busy we all are and how that busy-ness can stop our deepest process of listening. Â This weekend we began the Kundalini Yoga Level II module:: LIfestyles and Lifecycles.
Of course this would be the course that focuses JUST ON THAT! Â On our lives, everything that has happened since conception! We have experienced some incredibly deep meditations to feel “death”, to be “re-born” and today is another chance to live.
My mind is being penetrated with old memories, and how those situations have led me to patterns and habits and now I get to look at them square and see who I have become because of that. Â Now I have choice. I like that, having a choice. I have realized a LOT, like how I have carried some old “stuff” from others, that is not even mine! Â What a relief to get to drop that! Â Visual:: for me:: drop those old beliefs from the top of a very tall building like a water balloon, just make sure no one is below!:)
The key for me and probably you too, is to stay aware of these new awarenesses! Okay, I get it, I see a pattern, habit or behavior. I realize it does not serve me (feeling shame over something from childhood, being defensive or intolerant when confronted, etc.). Â Now, I need to heighten my awareness of when it is invoked, who pushes that button? When? Why? Â This is not so hard, because I can FEEL it in my gut, like a stab, a sick feeling or something that basically does not feel comfortable. Â Funny how for YEARS I would override that feeling with my mind convincing me it was just what I ate, etc!!!
Now I see that that feeling is the deep connection to my “soul” or what you may relate to, but it is my Truth, and when it comes, I pay attention. Â That is when the listening comes in.
I get quiet, take time to feel, to pause, to move away for a moment or more from what is happening, and watch myself. Â Maybe you don’t have the time in that moment to do that, someone could be screaming in your face, it could be at work, or just a very serious moment where you cannot get away. BUT, you can.
Take a DEEP breath, and just pause. Â Feel deeply into your body. And allow new language to arise in your. Â I use phrases like:: Â ”I need a moment with this” or “Will you allow me to meditate (concentrate, sit with, think about, work on, etc) on this and get back to you?” or, “I hear you, and I really want to be there for you, so let me be with this and get back to you”. Â Any type of pause I can create, gives me time to reflect before I commit to anything I later regret, and that includes getting emotional, angry or impulsive in my response.
I am certainly not a pro at this, just had a great opportunity to be tested last weekend with a phone conversation that really pushed my buttons. But luckily we took a pause and will see where it leads.
I am learning also to authentically feel my feelings, express them with compassion and without attempting to coerce the other into my point of view (don’t we love that!) and to LISTEN better. Â When I feel that rising in my chest, when I feel my own position being threatened, WOW, I know that is my ego! Â A big moment to pause.
Today is Sunday, usually a day where we get to pause, hit the weekly reset button and stop and smell the flowers or fall leaves (which I confess, I really miss and cannot wait to see tomorrow when I return home!!!) Â So, I hope you take a moment or more and pause, look and listen to those around you who are there in your life and listen. But most of all, listen to yourself first!
thanks for reading and sharing what happens in your life,
much love to you all and see you this week back in Annapolis!
Denise Kirpal Kaur, meaning “merciful and compassionate!!”